


Damaged

by Rasora_Quin



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Adopted Children, Adoption, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Loss, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heartache, Heartbreak, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Married Couple, Minor Character Death, POV Female Character, POV First Person, POV Loki (Marvel), POV Second Person, Protective Loki (Marvel), Reader-Insert, Sweet Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-04-24 21:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22237984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rasora_Quin/pseuds/Rasora_Quin
Summary: After losing your first born child, You and Loki struggle to get your lives back together. Insecurities and blame arises on both sides leading the two of you to question whether your relationship will really stand the test of time.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Original Character(s), Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s), Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Comments: 15
Kudos: 161





	1. Tragedy Strikes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back with another Loki x Reader story. I don't know how long this one is going to be, but I hope you enjoy! ^^

The royal physician grimaced sadly as she held the baby in her hands. She looked up to the anxious couple desperately waiting to hear her verdict. Unfortunately, the doctor didn’t have the news they wanted to hear.

“It’s stillborn, your Majesties,” She announced solemnly.

All at once your world came crashing down. On the outside your expression darkened as you gripped the bedsheets in your fists. On the inside you were screaming and sobbing uncontrollably. 

Loki’s legs gave weigh and he instantly fell to his knees. His whole body began to tremble as the news sunk in. The expression on his face was a mixture of pain and disbelief.

Frigga covered her mouthed as tears began to silently stream down from her eyelids. She steadied herself against the wall to keep herself from collapsing like her son.

You and Loki just lost your first born child. The one the two of you had deeply grown to love over the course of your pregnancy. Both of you had been so overjoyed when you found out you were finally having a kid. The two of you had tried for so long to produce a child of your own.

The child was supposed to be a product of your love, but now that was cruelly snatched from you. Your baby was gone and there was absolutely nothing you or Loki could do about it.

Your hearts shattered.  
__

Loki was at an utter loss. It had been two weeks since you guys lost the baby and outside of the funeral service, the two of you rarely saw one another. You had requested to move out of the royal chamber the two of you shared and spent most of your time locked in one of the spare rooms. Loki, on the other hand, buried himself in his work. Rarely taking breaks, staying up late completing paperwork, and rising early to get back to work. Sleep wasn’t providing him much solace. 

But now the situation was getting more troubling. Through word of his mother, Loki learned you were rejecting food and screams could be heard coming from your room late at night. Loki knew he couldn’t let this go on, but he still didn’t know how to confront you.

No words of comfort he came up with felt like they would do any good. Mainly, because he didn’t believe them himself. He was just as heartbroken over the situation as you were, and in his current condition he didn’t think he could help you feel any better. He’d probably just worsen the situation. 

Besides, he was barely eating himself. It would be hypocritical of him to burst over to your quarters and demand that you start eating again.

He put down the paperwork he had been going over and sat back at his desk. His head then dropped down into his hands as fresh wave of despair washed over him. 

He couldn’t save his child and he couldn’t help his wife. He was a failure as both a husband and a father. He should have never allowed himself to marry you. You didn’t deserve someone like him.

Loki had sworn to himself the day he proposed to you he’d never let you suffer because of him if you said yes. Looking back, Loki felt foolish for ever believing someone as messed up as him would never cause you to go through so much pain.

If you had married a normal Asgardian, you’d probably be happily holding a healthy baby in your arms with a husband who would never cause you to suffer the way Loki did. After all, it was his fault you lost the baby. His cursed frost giant heritage made it hard for you to get pregnant by him and when you did eventually did, Odin warned that it would be a risky pregnancy because Asgardian women weren’t made to bear frost giant children. 

The two of you had paid little attention to Odin’s concerns though. Both of you were adamant about keeping the child. After all, it was something the two of you had wanted for a very long time, and both you had been willing to do whatever it took to make sure the your pregnancy went smoothly. How foolish Loki felt now, blindly believing that everything would just work itself out. He should have headed the Allfather’s words more.

A soft knock on his office door suddenly snapped Loki out of his thoughts. He sat back up, not wanting anyone to see him in such a weak state. 

“Come in,” He called out flatly.

The door slowly creaked open. Loki’s eyes widened in shock at his visitor. He scrambled up from behind his desk.

“______,”He breathed in disbelief. “What are you doing here?”

Not responding, you ran into his chest. Sobbing as you tightly gripped his shirt. 

Reflexively, Loki wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer to his chest. He shuddered at your touch. Though he had been avoiding you, Loki had missed you so desperately. You back in his embrace felt like he was dreaming.

For the longest time, neither one of you spoke a word to one another. Loki just let you cry in his arms as he occasionally kissed the top of your head. 

“I can’t do it anymore,” You finally spoke, breaking the silence. Your voice cracking as you did. “Not being by your side only makes my heart ache more. I can’t be alone anymore.”

“I’m reaching my breaking point too,” Loki admitted, choking back tears as he swallowed.

You broke away from his grasp, grabbing his hand and leading Loki out of his office. You dragged him all the way to the quarters you shared. Once there, you immediately dragged him over to the bed and pulled him down with you onto it.

“Sleep with me,” You begged, snuggling once more into his embrace. “Then we’ll talk afterwards.”

Loki nodded silently as began running his fingers through your hair. It wasn’t long before the two of you drifted off due to sheer exhaustion from your recent horrible sleeping schedule. For the first time in two weeks, the two of you slept soundly now that you were back in each other’s arms.


	2. Fake It Til You Make It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Loki come to a decision on how to handle your situation. As time passes though, you increasingly come to realize things aren’t exactly working out the way the two of you had hoped.

Your eyes slowly flutter open as you begin to regain consciousness. It has been so long since you last slept that peacefully. The past two weeks your sleep had been constantly interrupted by nightmares night after night. You had been barely sleeping at all just to avoid them.

As your consciousness resurfaces, you quickly become aware of the emptiness in between your arms. You are no longer holding Loki as you had been when you drifted off.

You glance over to his side of the bed as you sit up. It’s empty. Looking around the room, however, you notice the balcony door is slightly ajar. 

Taking a deep breath, you get out of bed and head over to the balcony. Sure enough, Loki is standing there leaning over the railing as he stares off into the Asgardian horizon. 

“How long have you been awake?” You inquire softly as you draw closer to him until you are able to wrap your arms around his waist.

Loki doesn’t turn back to face you. He sighs as he feels your head rest against his back. “Not for long, my love. Ten minutes or so.”

“We need to work things out,” You murmur solemnly.

“I know...” He admits. “But I don’t have any answers.”

“I don’t either, but maybe we can work through it together since being alone is obviously not helping,” You reply.

Loki finally turns around to face you simultaneously breaking the embrace you had on him. He raises his right hand, placing it gently on your cheek.

“Can we not talk about what happened?” Loki requests a slight hint of pained earnestness in his tone. “They say time heals and...” He pauses for a brief moment. “And I’ve contemplated it. I think letting things be is the best option. As long as you’re by my side everything will be fine.”

Loki was lying to himself, but he so desperately wanted to believe the lie he gave himself willingly into his own deception. If he didn’t he’d lose you and that was the one thing he wouldn’t let happen. He was too selfish to let you slip out of his fingertips.

The tortured expression Loki donned makes your heart ache. It wasn’t a face Loki made often. You couldn’t refuse him in this condition. Besides, you could no longer bear to be apart from him yourself.

“Okay...” You exhale, snuggling into his chest. “We won’t talk about it.”

___

“Oi. Loki. Wake up,” You incessantly begin poking his cheek. “Thor’s wedding is in a couple of hours.”

Loki grumbles in response, lazily refusing to stir from his slumber. “Let’s just skip it.” He mutters.

You roll yours before playfully hitting him with a pillow. “You know we can’t do that. You’re the best man and I’m the maid of honor. Besides, Frigga would be livid if we skipped out on the wedding, and I fear her wrath more than Odin’s.”

“You do make a convincing argument,” Loki finally sits up in bed. “Well, at least about the part about my mother. Thor’s the one that pushed the best man thing on me. I never wanted the role.”

“Come now,” you smile as you hop out of bed. “Thor choosing you to be his best man instead of one of his close comrades just goes to show how much he actually cares about you. Now get up and get ready. I have to go attend to the blushing bride and the other bridesmaids.”

Before Loki could pull you back down onto the bed and coerce you into spending some extra time with him, you scampered out of the bedroom. Loki had a habit of tempting you into staying longer before getting up out of bed every morning. But today was a special day. You didn’t have the luxury of letting him pleasure you first thing.

Loki frowns as he watches you disappear from sight. Thor was going to get payback for stealing his precious morning time with his wife.

You sigh as you briskly make your way down the palace halls. Several months have passed since you and Loki agreed not to discuss the elephant in the room between you guys. Though the two of you were comforted by one another’s physical presence, your relationship never seemed to be the same as it had previously been. You had happy moments, but there was a disconnect that neither one of you dared to acknowledge out of fear that the relationship both of you were clinging onto would shatter if you did. The two of you were desperately playing the part of a happy couple; trying to fake it until you eventually made it. 

Recently, however, little things here and there that broke the facade that the two of you had built were getting harder to ignore. Like the fact that Loki seemed to be growing increasingly overprotective of you. 

It came as quite a shock to you when Frigga suddenly told you she would no longer be training you in magic without giving you much of an explanation why. But it was a greater shock when you overheard gossiping maids talking about how Loki had gone to his mother and adamantly demanded that all your magic training be stopped at once because he deemed it too risky.

Loki had even ordered the kitchen staff to forbid you from entering the kitchen and preparing meals as you had previously done. Claiming that it was too dangerous for a lady of royalty to be around, much less handle, knives and hot surfaces that could cut or burn them.

Your bow and arrows, a weapon you had been trained in since a child, which had been a wedding gift hand-crafted by your younger brother had also mysteriously disappeared around the time Loki began implanting these changes.

The more time went on, the more it became increasingly clear that the trust and respect Loki had for you as a strong individual was rapidly deteriorating. Making it only harder to keep up your attempt to make everything go back to the way it was before.

You had tried bringing up these issues with Loki, but the tortured expression just returned to his face, and all you resolve to confront him on the matters instantly crumbled.

Upon arriving in front of a large white door at the end of a marble corridor, you shove all those thoughts aside though. Whatever is happening between you and Loki had to wait. Today isn’t about you two; it’s about Thor and his bride who was waiting anxiously on the other side of the door. You take a deep breath and enter.


	3. Shattering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts happy then stops. Fragile things break.

“Thor’s a lucky man,” You smile softly. “You’re beautiful.”

“Do you really think so?” Helle asks nervously. “I still think I’m the lucky one. I am so marrying out of my league.”

Helle came from a lesser noble family. Her opportunity to meet Thor came when Frigga handpicked her to be one of her personal attendants. In the time that you had gotten to know her, you come to realize Frigga had a really good eye for people.

At first glance, Helle didn’t really stand out even among other noblewomen. She was a rather timid young lady who mostly kept to herself. And no one really ever pictured her as Thor’s type. She was weak, shy, and rather modest; usually seen with her head buried in some book. The complete opposite to Thor. But once you got to know her better, you realized Helle was as sharp as a tack and a brilliant strategist. She was a quick learner, and when she was passionate about something she became very excited about said thing. Briefly becoming a stark contrast of her usual self.

Above that, Helle was kind and humble to a fault. Once Thor caught wind of what this unexpected girl was like, he soon fell head over heals for her. The rest was history. Though you hadn’t originally pictured the two of them together, you eventually came to the conclusion that they were a really good match. You were proud of your brother-in-law for picking such an excellent woman.

You chuckle as you finish styling her hair, “The Asgardian princes care less about titles then you think. I mean look at me, I was just a lowly commoner before becoming Loki’s wife.”

“I guess your right,” Helle admits. “I’m just so nervous.”

“Everyone’s nervous on their wedding day, dear,” You tell her. “Even you’re beloved Thor. I’m sure Loki has his hands full with how much of Thor’s nerves are getting the better of him right now.”

Helle looks away from the mirror she had been staring at as you did her hair and back at you. She frowns ever so slightly, “I can’t imagine Thor being nervous.”

“Trust me my dear, men can become unexpectedly nervous over the woman that they love; just like how you and I get nervous over them. The feeling is mutual in love,” You reassure her.

“Was Loki nervous on your wedding day then?” She inquired.

You sighed as you crossed your arms. “Probably. Though, Loki’s better at concealing his emotions than Thor.” You then smile mischievously. “But Frigga told me that he was. And we both know Frigga’s usually right.”

“True,” Helle smiles in agreement.

“Well, let’s get you out there. Thor’s waiting for you,” You remind her.

She nods now a bit more confident than before.

__

“Thank goodness that’s finally over,” Loki said as he undoes his collar as the two of you got ready for bed that night. “I guess one positive to come out of this dreadful day is now I won’t be seeing Thor for a few days.”

You frown. “It’s supposed to be a really happy day for your brother and Helle. Why do you have to be so bitter and cynical about it? Is that how you felt on our wedding day?”

The words just came out of your mouth without much thought. But you quickly realize your words were rocking the fake peace the two of you had built up between one another. However, you didn’t exactly find yourself regretting the words you said. For once in a long time, you were speaking what you truly felt, and doing so felt a bit refreshing.

For a split second, Loki appeared taken aback and shaken by what you said. A glimmer of fear flashed through his eyes. But he was quick to regain his usual composure. He immediately began trying to smooth the over. 

He pulls you loosely into his embrace and softens his tone. “Of course not, love. I was the happiest man in the galaxy the day you became my wife. And you know my cynicism should be taken with a grain of salt.” He then proceeds to plant a gentle kiss on the top of your forehead.

You knew deep down, whether consciously or not, that Loki was low-key manipulating with physical touch and sweet words. But just as desperate as Loki was to maintain the fragile peace between the two of you so were you. Loki was the only thing anchoring you. He needed you and you needed him. So you simply let the matter go and gave into his affection.

Reflecting back, it was inevitable. But at that time the two of you had no idea how close your fragile relationship was to its breaking point. In three short months, everything that the two of you had tried to desperately protect and cling onto would be damaged.

__

The downfall began with what should have been joyful news. It still was, but deep down you and Loki were hurt by it as it resurfaced what the two of you have been repressing for so long.

It all started at family dinner, which was scheduled and maintained by Frigga who worked hard to keep the family together. Your role was making sure Loki didn’t skip out on this very important family time.

Thor and Helle arrived last. Both donning big smiles as they did.

“You two look rather happy this evening,” Frigga remarks. “More so than usual that is.”

“We are mother,” Thor acknowledges. “We actually have some wonderful news to share with all of you.”

“Pray tell,” Frigga replies, smiling lovingly at the two of them took their seats across the table from you and Loki.

“I’m pregnant,” Helle announces sheepishly.

You and Loki both immediately froze. So easily and so quickly Thor and Helle were having a baby.

“Congratulations you two!” Frigga beams, flashing a big bright smile.

Odin nods in agreement, cracking only a slight smile. “Yes, congrats. Finally, I’ll have my first grandchild.”

As soon as Odin said those words something inside of Loki snapped. His face darkens as his fists immediately clench under the table. The mood instantly became tense.

“Odin!” Frigga quickly chides him. Both she and Thor glances over at you concerned.

Helle appeared confused. She came into Frigga’s service shortly after the incident so she didn’t know since no one in the royal family talked about it. 

“I-is something wrong?” She inquires.

Though your heart was painfully aching, you were determined to not let this moment be ruined for Helle and Thor. They deserved to be happy in this moment.

“N-no, it’s nothing,” You force a smile on your face. “Congrats, Helle, Thor. I’m really happy for you. I’ll be an aunt!”

“Thank you!” Helle smiles back happily in relief. “I know you’ll be a wonderful one.”

The tension in the air starts to diffuse.

Loki grits his teeth. He couldn’t take it anymore.

“_____, you don’t have to lie in order to spare their feelings,” Loki finally opens his mouth. He looks up at Thor, glaring. “How dare you share this news so happily with us!”

“I- I just...” Thor began to stammer but you cut him off.

Your expression grows dark as your smile fades, “Loki, stop it.” You order flatly.

Loki ignores you. He stands up enraged. “Did you even take our feelings into consideration before deciding to tell us?! How insensitive can you be!”

“Stop it,” You said again. A little louder this time.

Once again, Loki ignores you and continues his outburst directed primarily at Thor. “What were you thinking waltzing in here gloating over your baby that you barely worked for while our baby that we tried years for lies dead in their grave?!”

“W-what?” Helle stammers softly as Thor looked away guiltily from his brother.

Loki turns to Odin to lash out at him as well, “And you-!”

“I SAID STOP IT!”

The anguish in your voice is what finally gets through to Loki. You had never yelled at him like that before. His face darkens once more.

“Why do you just want to lay low and suffer in silence while everyone else gets to be happy?” Loki asks you flatly. “Why do they get to have the happiness that was snatched from us? It’s not fair!”

“Because they’re not us, Loki,” You answer, the sadness still lingering in your tone. “Just because we suffered doesn’t mean they have to suffer too. That’s not fair to them.”

“No, what’s not fair is they get to have a perfect little family while we have to pretend like our child never existed!” He spat back.

“You’re the one that made the decision not to talk about it and pretend things were like they were before!” You clench your fists as your pain shifted into anger.

“Don’t paint me as the bad guy! You agreed to it!” 

“Yes, I did. And I take full responsibility for that! And I’m not taking it out on others!”

“Why are you taking their side?!” Loki questions angrily.

“I’m not!” You retort matching his tone of voice.

“Yes, you are! You’re taking sides with the insensitive couple and the grandfather who’s probably glad that our child died so that his first grandchild wasn’t half-frost giant!” He shouts.

“You’re jumping to conclusions! Yes, he said something pretty insensitive that hurt, but that doesn’t mean he’s glad our baby died! Odin’s never been one of tact!” You yell back.

“After everything we’ve been through! After everything I’ve been through! I can’t believe you’re defending my father!” Loki exasperatedly remarks. “I’m starting to think you care less about our child than I originally thought.”

At that moment you lost it. Without thinking, your body steps forward and your arm raises in order to strike Loki across the cheek. Right before making contact though, you just barely restrain yourself.

Your body begins visibly trembling as you retract your hand. Tears stream down your face. You choke out your next words, “How dare you.”

With the last of your resolve you glared up at Loki who expression was unreadable. Your voice was stern, icy, and serious even though it was a bit shaky. “I hate you. I don’t ever want to see you again. I’m packing up my stuff and moving back in with my parents.”

After stating your final word you immediately turn to take your leave when suddenly Loki snags your wrist, “I won’t let you.”

“Yes, you will,” You state coldly whipping your wrist out from his grasp. “And another thing. I’ll be taking my bow back. I don’t need your protection. If I want to practice magic, cook in the kitchen, or even fight then I will. You don’t get to control my life anymore.”

Loki gritted his teeth. But he didn’t say another word in protest or make an attempt to physically restrain you.

As you walk away, Loki slams his fist on the table but you didn’t stop or turn back. Once the dining hall door closed behind you Loki storms off in the opposite direction. Leaving the four witnesses of everything that had just transpired with a mixed set of emotions. None of them positive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you hit rock bottom there’s nowhere to go but up. ^^


	4. Fateful Meeting (Pt. 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a brief intermission, we go back a few years to learn the tale of how you and Loki first met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter briefly mentions attempted rape. Nothing graphic or explicit is depicted.

You met on the battlefield. Fire demons from the realm Muspelheim had launched a full length attack on Asgard. Though the palace soldiers and royal family were holding off most of the invading army, a few fire demons slipped through their defenses and started heading towards the civilian populated areas. 

You and a few other able-bodied villagers took it upon yourselves to fight off the stray demons and help evacuate everyone else. It was utter chaos though. Many of the civilians who stayed behind to fight were being picked off right and left.

With your bow in your hand and the reassurance that your parents and younger brother had already been evacuated, you were doing a pretty good job holding your own.

“Does anyone know if the children and teachers at the school been evacuated yet?” You shouted out.

No answer came back. Nothing could be heard except the screams of fallen comrades as well as occasional fire demons and the crackling of fire from the homes and shops that had been set aflame.

You cursed under your breath and made a dash for the school. As you feared, the students and their teachers were standing outside of a burning school building and trapped by a group of five fire demons.

One of the demons raised their arm readying to slay one of the teachers that was standing protectively in front of the children. You snatched an arrow from your sheath and shot it with pinpoint accuracy. The demon fell before they could land the swing. The teacher you just saved crashed to her knees in relief. She just momentarily survived being seconds away from death afterall.

“Oi!” You called out to the remaining demons. “Why don’t you pick on someone you’re own size!”

Good news, all of the remaining fire demons drew away from the group of children. Bad news, they were all coming after you and it was four fire demons versus you and a bow.

“You should have saved your own hide, girly,” the female fire demon closest to her sneered as you slowly backed away from their approach. “Once we’re done with you it won’t be hard catching those children again.”

“You say that as if you’re going to walk away alive after our exchange,” You shot back. “I’m feeling a little hurt from being underestimated here guys.”

“Girl, it’s doesn’t matter how good you are with that bow. You’re outnumbered and we’re highly skilled warriors,” the other female demon retorted. “What is one civilian going to do?”

“It’s a shame that you’re so cute though,” one of the male fire demons remarked. “I hate the thought of having to kill such a pretty face.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t waste this opportunity, brother. The girls can go after the children while we have our way with her before finishing her off,” the other male one suggested. “Divide and conquer as they say.”

The female fire demons rolled their eyes, but didn’t seem to mind the idea of splitting up.

“Do whatever you like,” the second female fire demon said before running off with the first.

Shoot. They were going after the kids. You pulled another arrow out and quickly shot one of the females in the skull, successfully knocking out another. Unfortunately, the other was now out of your range and the two males instantly lunged at you.

You’re reflexes we pretty sharp though. You whipped out another arrow, having just enough time to shoot one of them before being tackled to the ground by the other. Your bow went flying.

The fire demon on top of you suddenly got enraged at the sight of his fallen brother nearby. 

“You’re going to pay for that, you b****!” He shouted. His bright red skin flares sending a painful burning sensation throughout your entire body.

You cried out in excruciating pain. 

“I was going to go easy on ya cause you’re so pretty, but now that my brother is dead you’re going to suffer every second as I have my way with you before I mercifully end your pathetic little life!” the fire demon raged.

He tore off your top and started reaching towards your chest with his burning palm. You closed your eyes in acceptance. You had fought honorably. You had no regrets other than being unable to take out the other female fire demon. You braced yourself for the burning sensation that would burn your skin in mere seconds.

But then the unexpected happened. A strong gust of wind appeared out of nowhere, forcefully thrusting the fire demon off you. An arrow was shot, ensuring the demon’s death.

Your eyes flashed open as you quickly sat up to see what was going on. A tall, dark shadow was suddenly looming over you. Looking up, you see none other than Loki, the second prince of Asgard, taking off his cloak and dropping it down over you.

“Is there more of them in the area?” He asked you, snapping you out of your shock.

“Y-yes,” You answered remembering the female that had gotten away. You pointed. “Two ran off after a group of school children. I managed to shoot one down but one got away. She went in that direction.”

Loki turned to the group of soldiers that were with him. “Go after the fire demon and protect the children. I’ll stay here with the girl and heal her wounds before catching up.”

The warriors nodded and ran off in the direction you had told them.

“Stand up,” Loki ordered as soon as they were gone. 

You quickly slipped on the cloak that Loki had handed you and scrambled to your feet. 

“Thank you for saving me, your majesty,” You gave a quick bow. “But what are doing here? I thought the royal family was on the front lines.”

“That’s where I was. But my father caught word of civilians arming themselves and fighting against the fire demons that had slipped past our defenses. In response, he sent me and a handful of soldiers to go aid you guys,” the prince informed you. “Now, let me see your arm so I can take care of your injuries. Other people are waiting and I don’t have all my time to waste on you.”

You sighed as you outstretched an arm to him as he commanded. “I’ll forgive your rudeness because you just saved my life.”

“You should accept my ‘rudeness,’ as you put it, because I am your prince,” Loki retorted as he took the extended arm in his hands and began examining the extent of the damage.

Burn markers painted your entire body. Every inch of your skin was light red from the injuries you received. He couldn’t have imagined the immense physical pain you felt when you received these. He sighed, knowing there was only one way he could reverse the damage.

“Nah,” You replied flippantly. “I respect your position and title, but that doesn’t mean I blindly and uncritically have to accept everything you say and do. Therefore, I do not have to accept your rudeness.”

“Interesting theory for a commoner who just met her monarch for the first time,” Loki muttered only half paying attention to your words. His attention was focused more on your skin. 

Personally, he didn’t really want to perform the task that would undo the damage the fire demon had caused. Doing so would reveal his secret to her, and he had absolutely no desire of letting that happen. Aside from the initial burn, the injury didn’t appear to be causing you pain. If he didn’t heal you, then all that you would suffer would be looking you like you constantly had sun burn. It wasn’t beyond Loki’s morals to let that be your reality if it meant keeping his secret.

You frowned, “If you aren’t going to hurry up and heal me, then can you let go of my arm. You and I are much more useful chasing down some fire demons.”

Loki dropped your arm, “You’re going to continue fighting? You have already done enough. You aren’t even an official soldier. No one would fault you for evacuating to safety now.”

Walking a short distance away, you bent down and picked up your bow. You stood back up, turning to face the prince, “As long as I can fight, I will. I believe one person can make a big difference. For example, the school children and their teachers would be long dead if I hadn’t taken up arms but rather evacuated with everyone else.”

For the first time in a really ling time, Loki felt something he hadn’t expected. Though your tone and interaction with him was not on parr with the level of respect he believed he deserved from commoners, you, for some reason, excited him.

“You’re an interesting woman,” Loki mused, a slight mischievous grin cracking onto his face. “Maybe I’ll let you be my plaything when this is all ove-“

Loki was cut short when an arrow from your sheath came zooming past him, grazing his cheek. Blood instantly started to trickle down from the sudden cut.

“No thanks,” You rejected him. “Turn around, we’ve got company.”


	5. Fateful Meeting (Pt. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Loki are ambushed by a group of fire demons.

Your arrow plunged into the heart of a fire demon as a band of them approached you and Loki. A group of thirty, minus the one you just killed, swarmed around you, trapping the pair of you with no chance of escaping. 

Well, Loki could probably teleport himself away, but that would leave you to the hands of thirty fire demons. He quickly dismissed the idea. If anyone found out that he left you to die like that, his already rocky image would plummet in the eyes of the people. Loki couldn’t afford that.

“Loki!” the general fire demon leading the others addressed him. “You didn’t think someone as prominent as you could slip away from the front lines unnoticed. Lucky for us you did though. You’ll be much easier to pick off without the rest of your family around.”

“You’ll pay for drawing royal blood,” Loki muttered at you, ignoring the general as he positioned himself back to back with you. He swiped the blood running down his cheek away.

“Whatever,” You replied, not taking the petty threat seriously. “Let’s play a game, you’re highness. If I take down more fire demons then you’ll let me off the hook. If you take down more, then I’ll listen to a single request of yours.”

Loki smirked. In a flash he equipped his twin daggers, ready to pounce. “Interesting. You’re on. I’ll be keeping you to that wager when you lose.”

“Don’t underestimate me,” You grinned, aligning another arrow against your bow. 

From there chaos ensued. Long story short, you lost. You wound up taking out ten of them while Loki took out the remaining twenty including the general. Your skills with the bow may be exceptional, but they paled in comparison to Loki’s magic and years of fighting experience.

As the final fire demon fell at Loki’s feet, both of you were left totally exhausted. Both were a mess from head to toe; bathed in sweat, blood, and dirt. It took the two of you awhile to lower your heavy breathing before you could open up your mouths to say something.

“You did better than I expected. It’s still my victory though,” He smugly lorded over you.

You opened your mouth to respond but before you could, Loki suddenly collapsed onto his knees. He winced in pain as he bit down on his lip so no vocal cry would come out. He was too proud to do that in front of another person. Apparently, though victorious, the Asgardian prince hadn’t gone unscathed from taking on twenty fire demons by himself. Not only that, but he had done so with divided attention. There were several points in the midst of the battle where you had come close to death and was only saved by Loki’s magic shielding you.

“Loki!” You scrambled over to him in alarm. “What’s wrong?!”

“That’s your highness, to you,” the prince said through gritted teeth.

“Shut up,” You rolled your eyes. “Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“My back,” He grunted.

Your eyes darted to his back. His shirt had been slashed open revealing a deep, blistering cut. Not only was the cut was steadily bleeding but it was also burning. The pain must have been intense, but Loki seemed to be doing his best to play it off as not so serious while you were in front of him.

“Can you heal it?” You inquired, looking back up at him.

Loki winced again. “There’s not much I can do about the bleeding, but the burning isn’t beyond my control.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” You inquired, a bit confused. “Stop the burning. After that, my house isn’t too far from here. I can take you there so I grab some thread and a needle to stitch up the wound until you are able to get proper treatment.”

“If I’m going to take care of the burning, you’re going to have to leave,” Loki glanced away from you.

“What? Who’s going to stop the bleeding if I leave?!” You asked bewildered. “Stop putting your pride before your physical condition. I’m not going to blackmail or taunt you if I see you in a weaker state. I know you’re mightier than me. Stop being stubborn!”

Loki then glared back up at you. He snapped, “What do you think of all the fire demons you’ve slain today?! Their race are monsters to you, right?!”

“What does that have to do with healing your wound?!” You snapped back. Both of you glared in silence at one another. You sighed. “No, their race isn’t monsters. Despite a select few of them doing monstrous acts against us, doesn’t make the entire race monsters. Same goes for any race that has attacked us in the past. Asgard has tried to conquer other realms as well, and we have committed sins against other peoples, but I wouldn’t say our race is made up of ruthless monsters. The sentiment should go both ways, in my opinion.”

Loki’s expression softened. He was no longer glaring at you as he mulled over your words.

“And as for the ones I slayed today... I accept full responsibility for their deaths. I will shoulder the lives I have taken, even if they were taken in self defense or to protect others,” You finished answering. “Now will you hurry up and stop the burning. You’re losing a lot of blood. You’re going to pass out soon if we don’t stop it, and I don’t want to have to drag your body around with me as I evacuate to safety.”

Loki closed his eyes. He had made his decision. His instincts told him he could trust this woman. His eyes flashed back open.

“Fine. But what I am about to reveal to you stays between you and me. If I find out that you have shared the information with someone else, there will be consequences,” Loki warned.

“Whatever you say, your royal angstiness,” You replied, shrugging your shoulders.

Your mocking tone got under his skin once more. He was looking forward to cashing in his request from you.

Before your eyes, Loki’s skin slowly began turning blue. His eyes shifted from green to dark red. You held your breath. It had been really a long time since you had seen a frost giant.

Even as a young kid, you had always considered it a shame that Asgardians and the frost giants were mortal enemies. For you thought as frost giants were quite a beautiful race. Though you had never seen one this up close before. The sight of Loki now was utterly breathtaking.

Loki tried reading your eyes. It his surprise, the didn’t pick up any traces of fear. But he couldn’t tell how you were feeling beyond that.

The wound on his back instantly started to cool by coming into contact with his icy skin. Instinctively, you sighed in relief.

“Give me your arm again,” Loki instructed. “I can reverse the effects of your burns while in this form.”

You obediently did what he said this time. As his icy skin touched yours, the red tint on your skin started to recede. That is when it hit you.

“Hey! Were you going to let me be red for life just so you didn’t have to reveal your true form?!” You shouted.

“Naturally,” Loki replied, unfazed by your outburst. “I didn’t owe you anything and it’s not like it was causing you to suffer. My secret outweighed your need to have a normal skin tone.”

“Says the one who constantly hides his true skin color,” You pouted, unimpressed.

“People would still treat you like an Asgardian citizen if your skin was slightly red,” Loki said icily. “I, on the other hand, would be treated as a monster if I walked around as a frost giant.”

The redness from your skin completely faded. Loki released you and stood up. He retook his Asgardian form.

“I don’t consider you a monster,” You remarked as you stood up next to him. 

“You’d be a minority opinion then,” Loki muttered. “Come on. Let’s go.”

The prince started walking off.

“My house isn’t in that direction,” You called out after him, rolling you eyes.


	6. Fateful Meeting (Pt. 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Loki arrive at your place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter before we go back to the present.

Upon arriving, you thankfully find your family home still mostly intact. There was charring in certain patches all over the walls and the door had been busted down, but compared to the damaged a lot of other houses had received yours wasn’t so bad. Inside, you found everything had been ransacked, probably from fire demons search the house for people who hadn’t evacuated yet. Fortunately, your family had been long gone before that happened.

“So small,” Loki commented as you dug through a drawer looking for your mother’s emergency sowing kit.

“Not all of us live in palaces, your highness,” You retorted.

“I know that,” Loki said. “I’ve just never been in a place this small.”

“This isn’t even the smallest house on the block,” You replied as you finally spot the sowing kit. You grabbed it and started walking over to him. “Take a seat. I’m no seamstress, but my mother made sure I at least had the basic sowing skills.”

Loki sat down on one of the dining room chairs as you circled around to his back. You quickly stick the thread through the needle and get to work.

“What does your mother do?” Loki asked. Not because he was really that interested in knowing, but so that there wasn’t a silence that fell between the two of you.

“She’s a seamstress,” You answered, smiling softly. “And my father used to be a soldier in the royal army, but he retired and inherited the family business of being a blacksmith. My younger is following in his footsteps. In being a blacksmith, not a soldier.”

“Is you’re father the one taught you how to use a bow and arrow?” Loki winced as the needle pierced his skin. “I was surprised by your level of fighting skills despite being unofficially trained.”

“Why? Because I’m a girl?” You inquired, half-teasing.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” He dismissed your inquiry. “I have been around strong female warriors since I was a baby. We have a whole legion of them, remember. You’re nothing special. I was more surprised you were able to fight in a skirt though.”

You sighed, “Yes, it was my father who trained me. And the skirt is a combat skirt. I pleaded with my mother to make it for me, so I could express both sides of me while I fight. I’m proud of my combat skills and the fact that I’m a lady. I can be elegant and kick butt at the same time!” You grinned. 

“You’re an interesting one to say the least,” Loki commented. 

“Good interesting or strange interesting?” You wondered, as you weaved another stitch in.

“I haven’t decided yet.”

The conversation dropped from there. Loki sat in silence while you continued closing up his wound. Your mother probably could have done a better job, but you were trying your best.

“It makes sense now why the Allfather favors Thor and wants to make him king,” You broke the silence with something that had been on your mind for a while now.

Loki tensed. He instantly became defensively angry, “Continuing this topic of choice would be an unwise decision for you.”

“Chill,” You respond unfazed. “Hear me out before you jump to conclusions.” You paused a moment to let him reply. When he didn’t, you continued. “All I said was I now understood his decision, not that I agreed with it. For a long time, I have thought you were better fit to rule Asgard than Thor. You being an adopted frost giant doesn’t waver my opinion.”

“I see, so now you’re trying to earn my favor,” He growled.

“Your highness, if I was trying to suck up to you I would have done so from the beginning,” You frowned slightly. “I am merely stating my opinion here. I have my reasons for thinking so. Compared to your brother, you are wiser and more clever. You keep your cool better than he does and you don’t rush into things. Even if your powers are different, I’d say it would be a close call on which one of you would win in a fight. So there’s not a huge power gap. Your personality isn’t as bright and sunny as your older brother’s but neither is the Allfather’s. On the surface level, you may not be as well liked by the people, but outside of your pranks people seem to have a more natural feeling of respect towards you than Thor. You have the capability of ruling justly, and I believe the people would be happy under your rule.”

“It doesn’t matter what your opinion is,” Loki said, his tone cold as clenched his fists on his lap. “I’m not Asgardian and that’s all that matters to Odin.”

You paused for a moment, making sure the words you said next were the ones you wanted, “I don’t think I can change the Allfather’s mind about that, and you not be Asgardian by blood, true. However, you are one by bond. Frigga and Thor love you as mother and brother. Anyone can see that. You were raised here. You have fought to protect our people and our realm. People will remember that. And never forget, you are our god of mischief. You’re a key person in our culture. The one who spruces up our lives out of their dull, day-to-day stupor. Asgard wouldn’t be the same without you. I’m more than sure there are more of your subjects who would accept you as an Asgardian even if they knew your secret.”

Loki was taken aback. He never expected to hear a regular Asgardian say the things you just did. Growing up, he had heard the children around him talk about how scary the frost giant ‘monsters’ were. As an adult, he witness the disdain the soldiers and aristocrats slandered them. The day he found out he was the very creature everyone around him seemed to hold in such high contempt was the worse day of his life. From then on, he had increasingly grown to loathe himself even more so than the people who couldn’t handle his whims and antics. Frigga was the only thing grounding him as the rift he had with Odin and now Thor only widened. Yet, here was someone who showed no signs of fear before him who still regarded him as Asgardian and even a rightful ruler though his true nature had been revealed to her. 

You finished up your mini speech as you finished up closing the wound. You leaned away as you sighed in relief. “There. That should hold until we can you professional help.”

“I’ve decided,” Loki announced, standing up and turning to you. “I’m going to make you my woman.”

“W-what?!” Your mouth dropped open in utter shock.

Loki smirked, “Don’t worry, that’s not my request from you. I’ll have you fall for me good and proper by my own means. That being said, if you’re going to fall for me, you are going to have to be around me most of the time. Which brings me to my request.”

You were so dumbfounded by nonsense that was spewing out of Loki’s mouth that you couldn’t even manage a response.

“You will accept the offer for the position of my royal advisor,” Loki informed you. “That is my request. You have no right to refuse since you were the one who lost at your own game.”

A million thoughts of objection raced through your head, but with one look at Loki’s face you knew none of them would do. So instead of voicing them you just sighed.

“Fine, I’ll be your royal advisor. But I am not falling for you,” You stated.

“Want to bet on it?” Loki grinned mischievously.

-

[Ten Years Later]

“Loki!” You burst into your chambers. 

Buttoning the last button on his collar, Loki turned to look at his wife. You had scampered out of bed early this morning, so he had missed you when he awoke. A soft smile slips onto his lips when he sees you.

“We did it!” You shout gleefully, running up to him.

“What are you talking about?” He tilts his head slightly in confusion before reaching out and gently tucking your bangs behind your right ear. What did we do?”

“I just visited the royal physician!” You smile, reaching up and wrapping your arms around his neck. “I’m pregnant! We’re finally going to be parents!”

His eyes widen in shock. In a split second, you were wrapped up in his arms as he plants a deep kiss onto your lips. He then spun you around in utter joy.

Loki was going to be a father. You were carrying his child. He couldn’t believe it. Never in his wildest dreams had he thought someone love him as you did and that they would be happy about bearing his child, especially knowing his true nature. He had acted confident in his ability to make you fall for him in the past, but deep down he hadn’t really believed you would. That’s why he made you his royal advisor; even if you never loved him at least you would be around him all the time. He swore that that would be enough for him. But now he knew that he could never let you go.

In that moment, you and Loki were the happiest people in the galaxy.


	7. Mothers Know Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of your fight, you and Loki have a talk with your mothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re back in the present day.

True to your word, you left the palace and returned to your parents’ home. You were half-surprised that Loki didn’t show up to try and stop you. Not that you wanted him to; you didn’t even want to see his face right now.

You leaving the palace wouldn’t go unnoticed by your neighbors, so you decided to claim you came under the pretense of surveying the current state of affairs of the locals. You still technically held the position of Loki’s royal advisor, and you had come down in the past to take in-depth reports on how the subjects were fairing. Only to your parents did you plan to reveal your falling out with Loki. You had shown up at their doorstep in tears after all; the truth was hard to deny after that.

You sat at the kitchen table while your mother brews some tea. Neither one of you spoke while she did. You may have been a daddy’s girl, but your father knew that his wife was the one better at handling you when you were upset. Thus he left the two of you alone.

The kettle screeched. Your mother quickly took it off the stove before pouring the steaming water into two mugs she had prepared. After placing the kettle back down, she came and sat down across the table from you. She slid one of the mugs over to your side.

“So...” She said before gently blowing over her tea, “what exactly happened?”

You bit down on your quivering lip as you reach out with both hands and grip the mug. Your face darkens, “I don’t think I can be together with Loki anymore. Our relationship has been broken since... since... you know... We’ve been pretending like everything was fine for awhile, but I can’t do it anymore. Time isn’t fixing anything. I’ve had enough. After our argument tonight, it became clear to me that our relationship needs to end. It’s not healthy for either of us.”

“That seems like a very emotionally charged decision,” your mother remarks after taking a sip of her tea.

“You don’t know what I’ve been through!” You snap.

You wait for your mother to respond for what felt like eternity even though it was a mere few seconds as she seemingly unfazed by your outburst continues to sip her tea. She finally set down her mug and sighed.

“Things are too fresh for you to discuss this now,” your mother tells you, tracing her finger along the rim of her mug. “You’re right, I don’t know what you’ve been through. But I can imagine it. If I lost either you or Fiske, I would be absolutely devastated. And your father and I have had our fair share of obstacles to overcome in order to make our relationship last.” She pauses for a beat. Her eyes gazing at you sympathetically. “My advice for now is that you to give yourself some time to think things over about what the future will hold for you and Loki. Don’t make a rash decision that you’ll live to regret because you decided it in the heat of the moment.”

You grit your teeth. It wasn’t what you wanted to hear, but deep down you knew she was right. Your conversation ended there.

___

“Loki,” a soft voice calls out, suddenly appearing behind him as he stood out on his balcony, leaning over the rail with his head in his hands.

“I thought I locked off my chamber doors,” Loki growls, not bothering to look back. “How did you get in here?”

Frigga purses her lips, “I’m not physically here. It’s just my image.”

“Of course,” he mutters under his breath. He grits his teeth. “I don’t want to talk you or anyone else right now. Please leave.”

“Then I won’t talk,” Frigga replies, folding her hands together in her skirt but not disappearing.

Though she remained silent, her lingering presence increasingly irritated Loki.

“Just say your piece and get out of here” He snaps, finally looking up and whipping around to face her.

Frigga gazed upon her son sympathetically. She spoke calmly, “I know right now everything seems wrong, but I think it’s good that you and _____ are spending some time apart.”

“Absolutely nothing about this situation is good!” Loki snarls. “My wife hates me!”

“We all say things we don’t mean when we’re angry. ______ doesn’t hate you,” Frigga shifts her gaze off into the distance. She sighs then looks back at her son, “Loki, I stand by what I said. It’s good that you two are apart. You two have been feigning happiness in each other’s presence for so long that it was reaching unhealthy levels.”

“If you knew that why didn’t you say something before this mess of a night happened?” Loki replies icily. “

“Both you and _____ are adults. There are some matters which I hope the two can work out on your own,” She answers. “But, reflecting back, maybe I should have stepped in sooner. However, it’s not my fault or Thor’s or even Odin’s that tonight turned out the way it did. You cannot blame others for that. Thor and Helle especially did not deserve the way you treated them. It wasn’t fair to them; even ______ knew that.”

“Fair to them?” Loki scoffs. “Since when have things ever been fair between me and Thor?” He clenches his fists. “Why do I have to suffer when Thor gets to have everything I’ve ever wanted!? So I hurt his feelings and ruined one of his many happy moments, so what!? He never suffers! It’s always me who does!“ Loki shouts with anguish in his tone. With one look in his eyes, Frigga could tell he was desperately holding back tears. “Why am I the adopted, frost giant monster?! Why is he the one who gets the people’s and Odin’s favor when I am just as capable, if not more so, of being king!? Why did my child have to die while his will probably turn out healthy!?”

“Loki...” Frigga began to speak. Her voice cracking as she witnessed her son breaking down from a burden and pain that was too heavy for him to bear.

“And another thing!” Loki cut her off. “If you think I am blaming anyone but myself for this situation then you don’t know me as well as you think you do, mother. My child died because my cursed genes are not compatible with ______’s. If I was truly Asgardian then the baby wouldn’t have died. It’s my fault the child died! It’s my fault _____ isn’t happy! It’s my fault she hates me! It’s my fault we couldn’t move on and truly be happy! Everything is my fault! Why else do you think I let her leave without a fight!? You don’t have to remind me that I have no one to blame but myself!”

“That’s not tru-“ the queen began to refute.

“Don’t lie to me!” Loki snaps, stepping forward and slashing her image, causing it to vanish.


	8. Volunteering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new character is introduced, meanwhile months later you and Loki suddenly come face to face again.

In the realm of Muspelheim, a young fire demon by the name of Hestist sat at his kitchen table intently devouring the information from book that lay before him. Suddenly, the front door burst open.

“Boys aren’t supposed to stay home reading books all day!” His father roars in a fit of anger upon seeing him. 

“B-but father, I’m learning medicine,” Hestist defends himself. “I might not be able to be a warrior, but I can still help our people!”

“Shut up! It’s not just that,” His father completely ignores what his son just said. “What kind of a freak of a fire demon are you coming out looking like a girl?! I can’t even marry you off because no fire demon woman wants to be stuck with a weak, scrawny thing like you! I can’t believe I produced such a monstrosity! Your mother’s lucky she died in childbirth so she didn’t have to see you grow up to become such a pathetic creature.”

“B-but f-father,” Hestist chokes, tears streaming down his face.

“Stop crying!” the angry fire demon roars. He snatches the book from his son. To Hestist’s horror, his father then lit the book on fire with his bare hands. “The physical exam for being drafted into the army is in a few months. You will spend every waking hour until then training. If I catch you reading once, there will be consequences. And if you don’t pass the exam, you be disowned from this family. Have I made myself clear?”

“Y-yes, father...” the young boy stammers in fear.

___

[Three Months Later]

“Here’s a list of everything I need you to get,” Your mother says, handing you a list of items.

You stand up from tying your boots and take the list. 

“Okay, I’ll be back soon,” You nod, heading out the door.

It has been three months since you last saw Loki. The distance gave you a renewed sense of independence. You were still upset with Loki, but you’ve gradually accepted the fact that a lot of the blame was on you as well. Though you had cooled down, the reason you didn’t go back yet was because you weren’t sure what the next step in your relationship with Loki should be. Even if you were able to sit down and talk things out civilly with him, would that be enough to fix the rift that had grown between you two? Did you even want to be with him? What if you went back to him and things just turned out like this or worse again? Maybe it would just be better to divorce and go your separate ways.

You meander around town, stopping every so often at shops that sold you needed. Everything was so peaceful here. Time went by slowly and people seemed to be happy in the prosperous realm they lived in. 

However, once you had experienced another way of living in Asgard you realized how bored you were of this lifestyle. Palace life had always kept you on your feet, whether it had been training with Frigga or performing your duties as Loki’s wife and royal advisor. Now all you had to do was self practice with your bow and run errands for your parents. And deep down, you secretly missed pulling off pranks on Thor and the stuffy aristocrats that hung around the palace.

Finishing purchasing everything on the list, you decide to stop by the local tavern to grab a quick bite. After the waitress took your order, you survey the area around you. A pair of royal soldiers sitting behind you caught your eye. You listen in on their conversation hoping to catch a whiff of news about how things at the palace were going.

“Apparently the Allfather is planning a small undercover mission to gather information on the state of affairs in Muspelheim,” the first soldier spoke.

“Has he selected who he wants to go yet?” the second inquires.

“Not that I am of aware of,” the first answers. “I just hope it’s not me. The heat there is unbearable.”

“Yeah, no,” the second replies. “The monstrous fire demons killed my sister ten years ago. I definitely don’t want to go a realm full of them.”

An idea pops in your head. 

___

“Loki!” Frigga calls out, knocking on his chamber door.

Though no response came, she knew he was in there. It’s the only place he had been in the last three months.

“Loki,” She said his name more sternly this time. “I have some news about ______ that I think you’re going to want to hear.”

The chamber door slowly creaked open though no one was there to greet her as it did. Frigga steps inside, finding both Loki and the bedroom a disheveled mess. She sighs.

“You’re going to want to clean yourself up. At little while ago, ______ showed up at the palace requesting to speak with your father,” the queen began to tell him. Loki’s eyes dart up to her in shock as she did. “Apparently, she volunteered for the undercover intelligence mission. In exchange for Odin’s permission to let her go, she agreed once she came back she would settle things between you and her. Your father complied with her request.”

“What is he thinking?!” Loki hisses as he scrambles to his feet. “She’s not one of his soldiers!”

“No, but she is well versed in magic under my tutelage. Changing her appearance and going undercover would be easy for her. On top of that, she skilled with a bow. Better than most our soldiers. If it came down to it, she could defend herself,” Frigga explains calmly. “She’s really an ideal choice. Especially since no one really seemed to want to be assigned to this mission. Also, if she agreed to settle things with you in exchange, it would be hard for Odin to turn her down on a personal level.”

“I won’t allow it,” Loki responds coldly.

___

“You’re not going,” Loki suddenly appeared before you as you were wandering down the palace halls.

You frown. You still weren’t prepared to see him. “I am and I will. You have no say in the matter.” You walk past him and continue down the hall.

“It’s dangerous,” Loki growls, matching your pace. 

“I don’t care,” You dismiss, not making an eye contact. “I’m bored.”

“This isn’t a game!” He snaps, suddenly pushing you against the wall and trapping you between his arms.

You glare up at him. “I know. I’m going to treat this mission seriously. Odin doesn’t make rash decisions. If he said I can go, then he believes that I am capable of doing it. Don’t underestimate me. You always have.”

Nothing but pure rage could be seen in Loki’s eyes. He angrily pounds the wall above your head with his fist. But to your surprise, he then just suddenly vanishes without saying another word.

___

Loki reappears in the throne room, storming straight up to Odin. The king, upon seeing his son, dismisses the people he had been conversing with so that the two of them would be alone.

“You’re here to oppose my decision to let ______ go on the intelligence mission, I suppose,” Odin opens his mouth before Loki can.

“Correct,” Loki seethes through gritted teeth.

“Sorry to disappoint you then,” the Allfather replies. “Nothing you can say will change my thoughts on the matter. It’s the best option for both the success of the mission and our family. Thus my decision is final.”

Loki opens his mouth to furiously object, but Odin cuts him off, “However, I mean to send two people on this mission. A magic user who can disguise their appearance such as yourself would be a prime candidate for my next selection. If you are done moping around in your bedroom, then you are free to accept the second position. Granted, this will probably not make my daughter-in-law happy, but the choice is yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hestist is 13, fyi.


	9. Fire or Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Loki head off on your undercover mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking longer to get this chapter out. I have been really busy lately, but I have every intention of finishing this story.

The two of you arrive in Muspelheim, donning the appearances of fire demons. 

You glare at Loki, “I agreed to settling things between us after the mission not during it. Why did you come along?”

“Odin objectively picked me for this mission the same way he picked you,” Loki replies dismissively. “I am equally qualified for gathering intel undercover, if not more so, as you.”

“Objectively, my a**,” You snarl.

“When did you start using such vulgar words?” He inquires while scanning the area the two of you arrived in. It appeared like you were just on the outskirts of a nearby town.

“Just stay out of my way,” You say, ignoring his question. “I have no intention of hanging around you until this is over.” You walk off towards the town.

“Are you implying you’ll be back at my side when we return to Asgard?” Loki asks, quickly reaching out and grabbing you by the wrist.

“Briefly,” You mutter, not bothering to look back at him. You jerk your wrist away from his grasp. “At least until our divorce is settled.”

Loki stands frozen as he watches as you head off without him. Your words stung; his heart aches. 

You wonder around the town not once looking back to check if Loki was following. Probably not. You knew you words hurt him, but it was better than giving him false hope. Still, a pit in your stomach had been forming ever since you had walked away. Was divorce really the path you wanted to take?

Pushing your troubling thoughts aside, you look around for a place that could be potentially good for gathering information. You spot a sign for a tavern up ahead. You ponder for a moment. Maybe a chatty fire demon would be interested in buying you a drink.

Just as you reach the tavern entrance, however, you catch a glimpse of a large, burly fire demon dragging along a sobbing child by their hair. At first glance the child seemed to be a young girl, but when you did a double take your realized he was actually a boy. None of the fire demons bustling around them seemed to give them a second glance. Going on about their day without bothering to interfere.

The look on the older fire demon’s face scarred you. Whatever he was planning on doing to that child wasn’t good. Without thinking, you postpone your mission and follow after the fire demon child.

A few paces away from the tavern, Loki’s eyes widen as he silently watches you stray from your path to chase after a pair of fire demons. This couldn’t be good.

___

“YOU FAILED?!” his father roars.

Hestist just stands there shaking as he hangs head in shame. He hadn’t passed the physical exam as his father had demanded even with all the training that had been brutally hammered into him over the past three months. Hesist always knew he wasn’t cut out to be a warrior. If only his father was okay with him practicing medicine instead of forcing him to become a war general like him.

“You had one job in your pathetic little existence!” his father continues raging. “You becoming a warrior was the only reason I didn’t kill you off as a baby for killing your mother! If she was still here she would be so ashamed of you! She would regret ever giving birth to you!”

“I-I’m s-s-sorry, f-father,” Hestist stammers, tears streaming down his face.

“Stop calling me father! From tonight on I no longer accept you as my son!” The raging fire demon snaps. “Also, I think I’m going to do the realm of Muspelhiem a huge favor tonight by making sure your freak genes don’t spread!”

Before Hestist could react, the adult fire demon grabs him by his hair, dragging him outside of their home. 

“L-let go! Father, please! You’re hurting me!” Hesist cries.

But his father ignores his desperate pleas and drags him through town all the way to the outskirts. Not a single fire demon had batted an eyelash as they passed by.

Once far enough away from the town, his father then roughly slams Hesist down on the ground before whipping out the large machete that rests on his hips.

Hestist’s eyes widen in horror as he registers what his father means to do next. He freezes in fear. “P-please f-father! I-I’ll tr-try better! I- I p-promise! P-pleas don’t kill m-me!”

“I told you not to call me that!” The large fire demon swings his machete up in the air.

The young fire demon closes his eyes, bracing for the impact. But it never comes. Instead he feels a delicate pair of arms reach out and embrace him protectively as a sharp cry of pain suddenly rings out and the sound someone crashing to the ground quickly after. His eyes flash open.

___

As soon as you saw the older fire demon raise his machete up in the air, you instinctively dash over to the child. You wrap your arms around him protectively before closing your eyes and bracing yourself for the impact to slice through you. But it never comes. Instead, a sharp cry of pain rings out and you hear the sound of someone crashing to the ground quickly after. Your heart instantly shatters as the sound of the painful cry penetrates your ears; you would recognize that voice anywhere.

“Loki!” Your eyes flash open as you scream in horror.

The older fire demon is taken aback as the body of Loki lay at his feet. A pool of blood forms under him. The severity of the damage Loki received had caused his fire demon disguise to vanish. His skin instantly went from red to blue.

Letting go the child, you scramble anxiously to your feet and over to Loki.

“Stay back!” Loki suddenly barks, freezing you in your tracks. He slowly starts to force himself to get up. He coughs up blood as he does.

The adult fire demon throws his head back in laughter as Loki positions himself protectively in front you. “What a surprise! The great Loki of Asgard isn’t even Asgardian and is before me only moments from death. That cut was deep; you’re going to pass out soon. If you are as smart as the rumors suggest, you better flee leaving behind he woman you protected. There’s no way you can fight me and win in your condition. I can’t even fathom why you would protect a fire demon... unless she’s not actually one.” He smirks wickedly.

“You’re rather arrogant, aren’t you? Even wounded, I am still leagues above you,” Loki retorts back. “Let’s see which is stronger, shall we. Fire or ice?”

“Loki, no!” You shout in horror, losing control over your fire demon disguise as your emotions become more unstable. “You can’t beat him! Not like this!”

Loki chuckles before coughing up more blood. “Who’s underestimating who now?”

You lunge forward to stop him, but instead of moving forward your fall downwards just barely catching yourself before face planting into the ground. That’s when you notice the ice that had formed around your feet and ankles, locking you in place.

“Loki! Unfreeze me now!” You glare up at him frantically.

“No can do, my love,” Loki replies keeping his eyes trained on fire demon before him. “This is for your own safety.”

You grit your teeth angrily. Tears begin raining down from your eyelids. Your voice cracks as you beg, “Please, Loki, don’t do this to me.”

Loki’s heart aches sorrowfully as you say those words but he ignores your plea. He lunges forward towards the fire demon who has since dropped his weapon and charged at Loki with his hands aflame.

It was over in an instant. Had Loki not infused his ice with the magic his mother had instilled him throughout the years, he would have lost. His ice overpowered the flames, leaving the fire demon as a frozen solid ice sculpture. With the last of his strength, Loki flicks the frozen fire demon, causing him to shatter into a million tiny pieces that quickly melted in the heat of the realm.

You looked on in amazement. Your husband truly was someone special. 

The moment of amazement and relief only lasts a brief few seconds though as Loki, upon turning to face you, instantly crashes to the ground. The ice at your feet begins to melt.

“Loki!” You cry out in anguish.


	10. Agonizing Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki’s condition is up in there air but it isn’t looking good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is a little shorter than the others, but where I ended it seemed like the best place to end it.

“Stay here,” the pretty lady tells him as she opens the door to a spare bedroom. “I’ll be back for you, I promise.”

Hestist nods in acknowledgement as he stares guiltily up at her. Her eyes were red and puffy from all the tears she had shed earlier. He knew she was in a hurry to get back to the frost giant that had saved them.

The lady then bends down and gently places her palm on Hestist’s cheek, “Don’t worry, it’s not your fault.” She smiles softly down at him.

Did Asgardians have the power to read minds the young fire demon wonders. The thought that one of his saviors was possibly dying because of he had gotten involved with him was haunting Hestist. As curious as he was, he knew wasn’t fair to keep the lady here with him any longer.

The lady retracts her hand, giving Hestist one last reassuring smile before taking her leave. He silently shuts the door and waits for her return.

___

You practically run into Frigga as you burst into the medical wing of the palace. She catches you in her arms, placing you back upright as you regain your balance.

“How is he?” You ask grimly.

Frigga purses her lips together solemnly. She blinks in order to hold back tears. “Not great. The physician said his condition is critical. They’re working on him now.”

“May I see him?” Your voice cracks as you ask.

The queen folds her hands in her skirt, “I’m sorry, my dear, but they have request that no one should enter while they’re at work.”

Your face darkens as you stumble back against the nearby wall. Your knees give way and you sink to the floor, burying your face in your knees as you curl up into yourself.

No words of comfort came to the queen’s mind. At least not any that didn’t seem shallow. Was this really the end for her younger son. The universe seemed to be conspiring against him since the day he was born. Had she failed him as a mother? She prayed by some miracle her son would pull through.

___

Hours passed by without a single word from any of the medical personnel. You briefly left the medical wing to check up on and bring food to the fire demon boy, but came straight back when the task was complete. One by one the royal family members gathered in the medical wing as time ticked by. Helle then Thor showed up shortly after you arrived back from feeding the kid. Odin appeared a few hours later. Hardly anyone spoke to one another though.

It was taking too long. Every second that passed by of not hearing anything was agonizing. Guilt, regret, grief, frustration, and heartbreak all swirled around inside of you. 

Finally, finally, the physician came out. 

“How is he?” Frigga quickly inquires before anyone else.

The physician grimaces, “We did what we could but it might not be enough. The wound was very deep and he lost a lot of blood by the time we got to him. He’s stable for now, but the prince’s condition could take a turn for the worse at any moment. He hasn’t regained consciousness, and I fear the longer he stays that way the less likely it will be that his highness will ever wake up. I have to be honest with you, his chances of surviving are close to none.”

Frigga broke down then and there. Odin brought her into his embrace and she wept on his shoulder.

Thor and Helle exchanged sorrowful looks, unable to bring themselves to look directly at you.

“May I see him now?” You ask flatly; your face darkened.

“Yes, of course, your majesty” the physician bows his head to you and steps out of your way as you brush briskly by him.

No one follows you in and all the medical personnel had evacuated in order to give you some privacy. You were deeply thankful for that.

You came up to the bedside and the tears began to fall anew as your eyes settle on your husband. 

Saying he looked sickly would probably be an understatement. His Asgardian skin was pale- paler than usual. You had transformed Loki back into his Asgardian form before returning to Asgard in order to safeguard his secret. From his torso up to his chest he was bandaged. An oxygen mask was applied to his face to assist with his breathing. This was the frailest you had ever seen Loki. And it was all your fault.

Your grip the bedside rail. Your tears fall onto his face and roll down his cheek. You raise your voice yell at him though there was no anger or resentment in your tone; just sorrow and regret, “You’re not allowed to die, you hear me! Not while I’m still angry with you. We haven’t reconciled yet. I forbid you to die before we do!”

You reach out and grasp his hand in yours. Your tone softens as you choke out your next words in utter desperation, “I love you... Please don’t leave me too... Please...”


	11. I’m So Sorry

Helle’s cries could be heard throughout the entire medical wing, maybe even the entire palace for all you knew. She had been in labor for several hours and was getting close to pushing.

“Thor, stop pacing back and forth,” You hiss as Helle squeezes you hand tightly. “You’re stressing me and even more importantly your wife out.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Thor stammers. “I never had a baby before. I’m just so nervous.”

“I’d never thought I’d see the day were our god of thunder was nervous,” You scoff. “Now, get over here and switch places with me before your wife breaks my hand.”

Thor nods before briskly taking his place at Helle’s bedside. 

You sigh in relief as you rub your very red palm with your other hand. Gesh, Helle had more inner strength than you had imagined.

“I’ll go get the doctor and see if it’s finally time,” You tell the anxious couple, heading towards the door.

“_____,” Thor calls out as you place your hand on the handle. “Thank you for being here for us right now. I know it can’t be easy for you, but it means the world to us.”

You smile softly back at them, “You’re welcome. I’m looking forward to being an aunt.” With that, you take your leave.

In a few minutes you return with the doctor and a pair of nurses in tow. The doctor takes a quick look over Helle, determining that now was a good time to start pushing.

After fifteen minutes, though you were sure for Helle it felt like an eternity, wailing rang out in the room as Helle and Thor’s baby took its first breath.

“Congratulations your majesties,” a nurse who began cleaning off the baby exclaims, “You’re now the parents of a healthy baby girl!” She then hands the newborn into the eager arms of Helle.

Thor coos down happily at the small creature as he takes the first look at his daughter. “We did it! She’s so beautiful.”

“I did most of it,” Helle teases him, though her eyes remain on her child as she does. 

“Yes, you did,” Thor concedes. “I’m so proud of you.”

You exhale in relief. You had been holding your breath. The baby was healthy. You were an aunt.

“Congrats you two,” You smile warmly.

“Thank you,” Helle replies, her gaze fluttering up to you, “for everything.”

Thor nods in a agreement.

“I’m going to want to hold her when I get back,” You tell them. “So you guys better get your fill before I do. I’m going to go share the happy news with Loki.”

Their smiles falter, but Helle makes a quick recovery.

“Impossible,” she sticks out her tongue playfully at you. “We’re never going to get our fill of holding her.”

“Guess I’ll have to snatch her from you when you’re not looking then,” You grin in response before taking your leave.

___

You make your way down to Loki’s room, sliding into your chair at his bedside.

“Guess what! You’re finally an uncle,” You beam happily at him. “You’ve got a niece. Between Helle and Thor’s genes she definitely going to be a cutie. You should definitely go see her soon.” You pause briefly as your mind wanders. “Oh, and Hestist is improving in his magic studies. He learned how to control his Asgardian form already. Your mother is a great teacher though, so I’m not surprised. His studies with the royal physicians are going really well as well. The kid’s ridiculously smart- a real genius. It’s a shame the other fire demons didn’t recognize it. Hestist probably would’ve made leaps and bounds in their medical research in the future if they had.”

Your smile slowly fades as silence fills the air. It has been six going on seven months since your mission on Muspelheim. Loki has yet to regain consciousness. The only improvement in his condition was that the bandages came off as his wound healed, but it was replaced with a giant scar down his chest. The medical personnel had long since given up hope that he would live.

The only reason he wasn’t off support was because you and Frigga refused to give up on him. But the more time went on, you were beginning to wonder if you inability to give up on him was just your selfish inability to let him go. Maybe he really wasn’t going to wake up, and all you were doing was delaying Loki from a peaceful afterlife.

You clutch the fabric of your skirt in your fists as tears silently roll down your cheeks, “Why did I screw everything up? Why wasn’t I strong enough to bear your child? If I was then our son would’ve been two right now. He’d have a cute little cousin to grow up with. You would’ve been happy like you deserved. I’m so sorry, Loki. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough... for you or our child. I’m sorry I made your life so unhappy. It’s all my fault...”

Silence once again overcomes the room. You just sit there letting the tears flow.

___

Night fell. Hestist waits until he’s sure you are gone after wishing him good night. He quietly tip toes out of bed and cracks open his bedroom door just enough for him to peek out into the hallway to make sure it was no one was around. Confirming that the coast was clear, Hestist clutches tightly the bottle in his fist, takes a deep breath, and makes a dash for the hospital wing.

All the doctors and nurses had given up on Loki, but you hadn’t. And as long as you didn’t give up on him, Hestist wouldn’t either. He had a debt to repay to both you and him after all.

Ever since you arranged for him to take magic lessons from the queen and to study under the royal physicians, Hestist had secretly been researching a way to revive Loki. Combining a little bit of magic with medicine, the young fire demon, as of last night, thought he had finally cracked the case.

He knew none of the medical professionals would actually let him test his medicine on their prince, but Loki’s condition hadn’t improved in almost seven months; things weren’t looking better. Thus, Hestist was taking the risk and sneaking into his hospital room when no one was likely to be around.

Hestist reaches the medical wing and quickly moves towards Loki’s room. Ever so quietly he turns the handle on door and slips in. The fire demon exhales in relief as soon as he’s in before making his way over to Loki’s bedside. 

He looks down at his hands and twists the cap off the bottle he had been carrying.

“What are you doing?” a voice suddenly calls out as the lights flicker on in the room, causing Hestist to jump.

He turns and sees you coming over to him.

“I- I’m sorry!” the fire demon stammers. He instantly starts confessing. “I- I just w-wanted to try this m-medicine I m-made. I- I just wanted to h-help Loki. I- it sh-should wake him up. I- I’m s-sorry! I’m o-overstepping my b-bounds...”

To his surprise, instead of yelling at him or hitting him, you gently pat his head.

“Will it work?” You ask him as your fingers ran through his hair.

“I- I believe so,” Hestist nods, but then he adverts his eyes. “I c-can’t make any promises though.”

You were silent for a moment as you thought it over, “Okay, try it.”

Hesist’s eyes light up and he nods. He brings the bottle to Loki’s lips as you gently part them, letting liquid flow freely into his mouth. Once the bottle was completely empty, the two of you take a step back holding your breath in anticipation.

Ten, fifteen minutes pass by. Nothing happens.

You sigh and start running your fingers comfortingly through Hestist’s hair again. “It was worth a shot. Thank you for trying.”

“I- I’m so sorry,” he tears up. “I really thought it would work.”

Bending down in front of him, you smile softly and pull him into your arms. “You did your best. I’m sure Loki’s grateful for that. Thank you.”


	12. Avoidance

Good lord it was bright in here. Loki’s eyes flicker open as he slowly shifts uncomfortably in bed.

“Oh my stars, Loki!?” a voice calls out as someone rushes to his bedside.

He turns his head in the direction of voice to find his mother staring teary-eyed over him. 

“Where’s _____?” He inquires hoarsely.

Frigga chuckles as she wipes away the tears from her eyes, “She would be the first thing on your mind when you woke up. She’s asleep right now.”

“Her husband wakes up after a few days of being out cold from almost dying to protect her and she’s asleep when I wake up,” He remarks jokingly as he attempts to sit up.

“Loki, it hasn’t been days. It’s been almost seven months. Our medical staff had given up hope you would live,” Frigga responds as she assists him up.

Loki’s eyes widen in shock, “S-seven months?! I shouldn’t be able to move this well yet if I’ve been lying in bed for seven months.”

“______ has take very good care of you,” Frigga informs him. “She’s the one who’s been washing you and messaging your muscles so you would be in the best possible condition if you did awake against all odds.”

Had you really done all that for him the past seven months? Last he was aware you were on the brink of divorcing him.

“I’ll go fetch the physician so he can look you over,” She tells him, turning to leave.

“Wait! Can you bring her too?” Loki asks desperately.

Frigga smiles sympathetically at him, “I’ll send word to her that you are awake.”

___

A loud, repetitive knock on your chamber door awakes you from your slumber.

“Your majesty, please open the door!” a maid’s voice calls out.

You sleepily sit up and make your way to the door. Opening it, you find yourself face to face with a way too happy and energetic maid for it being first thing in the morning.

“What is it?” You ask, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

“Prince Loki is awake!” the maid announces excitedly.

“What?” You breathe in disbelief. “If this is some sort of cruel joke, I-“

“It’s not, your majesty!” the maid insists earnestly. “He woke up just minutes ago. Queen Frigga sent me to tell you herself. The physician is looking him over as we speak.”

Your feet gave way as you fell back against the door onto the floor.

“Hestist’s medicine worked,” You breathe in utter disbelief.

“Prince Loki has requested your presence, milady,” the maid informs you.

You instantly stiffen upon hearing that. You force a smile on your face as you look up at the maid, “Thanks for letting me know. You can go now.”

“Of course, milady,” the maid says before curtseying and taking her leave.

___

When Hesist arrives in the medical wing for his training, everyone was up and bustling about. 

“What’s going on?” He asks one of the passing by nurses.

“Prince Loki’s awake!” the nurse exclaims. “By some miracle, he’s awake!”

Before Hestist’s could ask anything else, the nurse hurries off. A small smile creeps onto the young fire demon’s face. His medicine actually worked! Loki was alive. His debt was repaid, and you would finally be happy again. 

___

Loki was growing increasingly irritated and anxious. For one, the doctors wouldn’t stop buzzing about and pestering him. How many times did he have to repeat that he felt fine before they would leave him alone? Second, you had yet to arrive. It had been about an hour since Frigga sent for you and you were no where to be seen.

“Loki, you’re causing the temperature to drop in here. Ice is forming on the walls,” Frigga calls him out of his stupor.

“Then these doctors better get out of my face before I freeze over all of Asgard,” Loki growls angrily.

Frigga turns and gives the medical staff a dismissive look, “He appears fine. I’ll call for you if anything seems amiss. He needs some space.”

The shivering doctors and nurses nod before quickly taking their leave. Loki’s wrath was something they knew better than to mess with.

With a flick of her wrist, Frigga starts to melt the ice patches Loki had unconsciously made as his emotions got the better of him.

“Where is she?” He asks.

Before the queen could answer, the door slowly opens. Thor walks in with Hella, carrying a little bundle, trailing timidly behind him.

“You’re alive!” Thor beams with a big, wide smile.

“And you’re loud,” Loki frowns.

“I see someone didn’t wake up on the right side of the bed,” Thor chuckles as he and Helle draw closer.

“______ hasn’t shown up yet so he’s on edge,” Frigga explains.

“She hasn’t?” Helle questions, surprised.

“She’ll come. She was almost always by your side these past months,” Thor tries reassuring his brother.

Loki finally catches a glimpse of what Helle was cradling in her arms. He instantly stiffens as his eyes lock on the baby.

“So... I’m an uncle now...” His eyes flicker to Thor’s.

“Ah... yeah...” Thor answers uneasily.

Loki sighs, “I’m sorry for what I said to you guys. It wasn’t fair of me, as _______ said. I’m glad it- she was delivered safely, and I’m happy for you.”

The words were a bit forced coming out of his mouth, but they were sincere at the same time. 

“Thank you, brother. I missed you,” Thor smiles softly.

___

Again a knocking sound rings out from your chamber door. You ignore it; hoping whoever it was would go away soon. You knew it was someone new urging you to go see Loki. You hadn’t visited the medical wing once today after all.

“______, it’s Hestist,” a small voice calls out when no response comes. “May I come in? I-if not, I’ll leave you alone. I-it’s fine...”

A long sigh of defeat escapes from your lips. The young fire demon was probably the only person in all of Asgard you would open the door for right now. 

“Come in,” You call back.

Steadily the door creaks open. Hestist slips in, quickly closing the door behind him.

“Is something wrong?” You inquire softly.

Hestist fiddles with his bangs nervously, “Is there a reason why you won’t go see Loki? It’s been hours since he’s woken up.”

“Did Frigga send you?” You ask. It would have been a clever move on the queen’s part if she did. She you had a hard time refusing this child.

“N-no, I came of my own accord,” he answers.

“Then why are you concerned whether or not I go see him?” You words came out harsher than you intended.

Hestist nervously averts his gaze from you, “Because...” But then gathers up his resolution and looks back up at you, “Because part of the reason I made that medicine was so you could be happy again. I thought you loved Loki and waking him up would make you happy. W-was I wrong?” He starts to tear up. 

A pang of guilt washes over you. You rush over and kneel down before him. “You weren’t wrong. I was so happy and relieved when I heard he woke up. I’m so grateful to you for making that medicine for us. It’s just... because I love him that I can’t go see him. Not yet at least. He needs time to adjust to life seven months later. I would only complicate that if I went to him now.”

“Okay...” Hestist replies still a bit downcast.

“Thank you for worrying about us,” You force a small smile onto your face as you reach up and wipe away his tears. “Loki and I will work things out. I promise. You should get to bed. It’s late.”

Hestist nods, smiling softly back, “Good night, ______.”

“Good night,” You reply sweetly, standing up and holding the door open for him. You watch him go until his figure disappears around the corner before quietly shutting yourself back into your room. 

You start heading back towards your bed when something suddenly stops you dead in your tracks from behind. A chill runs down your spine.

“So this is why you’ve been avoiding me.”


	13. Damaged, But...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter!

“L-Loki? What? How?” You stammer aghast as you stare at the figure of him standing in the middle of the room. “There’s no way the doctors would have approved you leaving the medical wing this soon.”

“Good thing I don’t need their permission to go where I please,” Loki replies dismissively, clasping his hands together behind his back as he draws closer to you.

“Go back right now. It’s not good for you to be out of bed,” You avert your eyes away from him as you cross your arms and tense up defensively as he finally stands directly in front of you.

“No, I’m not leaving until we settle things,” Loki tells you firmly.

“I-I’m not ready!” You stretch out your arms to you can gently push him aside so you can make an escape. But instead of coming into contact with Loki’s chest, your hands glide through him and his figure vanishes from sight.

Oh. So he wasn’t really here. He was just projecting his image. You should’ve guessed.

“Aren’t you tired of running away?” Loki asks upon reappearing behind you, “I sure am.”

You shutter in defeat. Even if you were to run, Loki would just reappear wherever you went. You turn to face him, smiling weakly, “Actually, I’m exhausted of it.”

“Let’s talk then,” Loki stretches his arm out towards your bed, motioning for you to take a seat.

The two of you sit down next to each other, but neither one of you says a word for a good while. It’s Loki who finally breaks the silence.

“So you want a divorce,” He starts, “I’ll have that arranged then.”

“Loki... that’s not what I want. Not really,” You respond with a sigh.

“But I thought you hated me,” Loki counters.

“I’ve had nearly a year of reflecting on our situation,” You tell him before taking a deep breath. “I said I hated you and that I wanted a divorce because I knew it would hurt and I was angry at you. And I was angry at you because I wanted someone other than myself to blame for what happened. But that was wrong of me. Especially since I really am the only to blame... for everything.”

“_______, it is not your fault,” Loki stood up in front of you frantically, “You were right to be angry with me. I’m to blame not you.”

“No!” You also stand up before glancing guiltily away. “I wasn’t strong enough to bear your child.” Tears roll down your cheeks. “I failed as a mother and as your wife. I couldn’t even comfort you properly. I just suppressed things until we snapped and got angry at you and ran away. Then when I came back I almost got you killed. Everything. Everything’s my fault.”

Loki wanted nothing more than to wrap you up in his arms until all your tears vanished. He couldn’t stand seeing you with such a pained expression on your face. He reaches out to do just that when he remembers that he can’t actually touch you. He slowly retracts his arms.

“You’re wrong,” Loki’s face darkens, “It’s not your fault our child died. It’s my freak genes. If I was a normal Asgardian rather than a frost giant then bearing the child would’ve been easy for you. Our son would still be alive. You had every right to be angry with me and run away. It was stupid of me to think I could ever make you happy. It was a mistake to drag you into my miserable life. I should have never asked you to marry me in the first place. So if anyone’s to blame, it’s me. I’ll send for divorce papers first thing in the morning.”

Panic fills your eyes as you look back up at Loki, “No, Loki, I- ...” You pause. A simple rejection of his claims wasn’t going to sway his beliefs. Collecting your thoughts you come to what you want to say, “Loki, my time with you might have been the saddest and most painful, but it has also been the happiest and the most fun.”

The dark expression on Loki’s face doesn’t fade. When he doesn’t respond, you lightly sigh and continue as you wipe away the tears that had stained your cheeks, “Marriage isn’t just about personal happiness. As the saying goes, together for better or for worse. I don’t want a divorce. I believe we’re damaged but that we are not beyond repair.”

Making sure not to brush up against him so he doesn’t disappear, you walk past him. Loki’s expression lightens up as his eyes follow you around the room until you find yourself next to the bedroom window which gives you a perfect view of the royal gardens. He follows you but keeps his distance from where you are standing.

Briefly peering out at the view, you turn back to Loki and continue where you left off, “These past seven months have given me a lot of time to reflect on our situation. After seeing Frigga’s reaction to thinking she had lost you, I seriously thought about our parents and how they would feel if one of us had died. I began to question, from my perspective, how would I want my parents to act if I died suddenly. Sure, at first, I would want them to mourn because then I would know they truly cared for me. But because I truly cared for them, I wouldn’t want them to stay like that. I’d want them to be happy and move on with their lives. I wouldn’t wish for my parents to break up because of me either. I think our child would feel the same way.”

You couldn’t read Loki’s expression anymore, but it wasn’t dark like it was before so you guess that is an improvement. Maybe he was just taking time to process your words.

“I love you, Loki. I truly do,” You tell him. For the first time in seven months a soft, genuine smile crept onto your face. “I’ll never forget our son, but I want to move on and be happy with you. What do you say?”

Loki turns away from you, “If you want an answer, come to the medical wing. I’ll be waiting.”

With that his image vanishes from sight, leaving you alone with anxious anticipation.

“That answer better be a yes then,” You roll your eyes.  
___

“Finally,” Loki mutters as you burst into his room. “Come here.”

You silently obey once again taking the place at his bedside. Before you can react, Loki pulls you up on the bed and plants a kiss on your lips. You close your eyes and kiss him back. Good lord it has been such a long time since you were intimate with Loki; your body was instinctively craving more but you restrain yourself. He was in no condition to give you more than this no matter how much the two of you wanted it.

“I’m taking that as a yes then,” You say as he pulls away. “You’re not allowed to change your mind.”

“As long as you don’t change yours,” Loki promises not letting you go from his embrace which you were completely okay with.

You nod silently in affirmation as you lean your head into his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” Loki whispers softly as he runs his fingers through your hair.

“I love you. Frost giant and all,” You reassure him.

He was silent for a moment. Being a frost giant was still something he had yet to fully come to terms with, but he was happy that you loved that part of him even if he couldn’t, “I love you too.”

You sit up so you could face him, “I have a request. You can think it over before you decide since it’s a rather big decision.”

“Darling, your wish is my command. I would bend over backwards to give you anything in the universe you wanted,” Loki smiles softly. “Especially if it’s to get back in your good graces. What is it?”

You shift nervously in his arms, “Well, I- ”

___

[A Few Weeks Later]

“So you’re the kid that saved my life,” Loki suddenly appears. “My wife spoke highly off you.”

Hestist jumps at his sudden presence. He scrambles up from his work desk and bows to the Asgardian prince before him.

“No need for the formalities,” Loki tells him dismissively. 

“U-um! Th-thank you for saving my life,” the young boy stammers as he lifts his head.

“Likewise,” the prince smiles warmly.

Loki seemed very different than the person Hestist had heard described by other fire demons. He gave off a rather gentle aura for someone who was rumored to be a cold hearted trickster. But if you were married to him and he had risked his life to save you, Hestist felt that he could trust him.

“I’m not one to beat around the bush, so I’ll tell you why I’m here,” Loki tells him. “It’s not just to thank you for saving me. Though I am eternally grateful for that.

The young lad stares at him curiously but doesn’t say a word. You had informed Loki that the boy was rather shy. He continues.

“My wife has expressed interest in adopting you,” Loki informs him. “If what she has been telling me about you is true, I have no qualms with this. But if you want to return to Muspelheim then we’d have no right to stop you.”

In a split second, Hestist’s eyes light up before quickly saddening. He adverts his gaze, “I don’t want to return to my realm. No one would accept me there, but... You can’t adopt me... I’m a fire demon not an Asgardian.”

Releasing the magic that was maintaining his Asgardian form, Hestist shamefully reveals his red skin and hair to Loki.

“I’m sure you saw it the day we rescued you. I’m not truly Asgardian either. At least not by birth,” Loki reveals his blue skin to the child. “_______ accepts us regardless of our true natures. Our families will accept you also. You will be loved if you stay with us, I promise you that.”

The two of them return to their Asgardian forms.

“So, what do you say? Are you okay with _______ and I being your parents?” Loki inquires.

Hestist looks up at Loki with tears silently rolling down his cheeks. He smiles happily as he wipes his tears with his sleeve, “Yes, please!”

Loki gently pat Hestist’s head as he smiles down him. You will be pleased to hear this. All is well that ends well, Loki supposes. It’s strange, he reflected, fire demons seem to have a way of indirectly bringing you and him together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to all of you who made it to the end of this story! I am aware I not that great of a writer, but if you found any entertainment out of this then I’m happy with it. ^^


End file.
